


Two sides of the same coin

by Mirha



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post World Cup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 17:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15539367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirha/pseuds/Mirha
Summary: For Luka, losing the world cup is bad, but waking up in a world where nothing is as he remembers is worse. He has no memory of those goals his friends told him he scored, just like he doesn’t understand why he’s suddenly holding the world cup trophy in his hand or why Ivan is acting so distant.Or Luka accidentally ends up in an alternate universe where Croatia won the world cup, but where he also may have lost what matters the most to him.





	Two sides of the same coin

The weight of defeat felt heavy on Luka’s shoulders. He sat on a bench in the locker room, holding his face in his hands, his eyes watery. With his team, he got so close to victory, so close to their dream, only to stumble and fall down at the very last step.

They didn’t win the world cup. How was he supposed to cope with that? Him, the captain of the national team, the man who was supposed to lead his team mates to victory? He wished he could at least comfort them, but he had no idea how to do it, not when he felt so empty inside.

Now he was alone, his friends already gone to shower and try to wash the bitterness away. Luka had seen the worry in their eyes when he’d told them to go ahead and not wait for him. Ivan had almost insisted to stay with him, but one look had been enough to make him understand that he needed this, needed a moment alone to tame the roaring pain gnawing at his heart.

Luka took a deep breath then exhaled through his mouth, trying to calm down. After a defeat, the train of his thoughts always threatened to go down a dark path. What if he had played better? What if he had been a better captain? What if he had managed to make his country proud? What if…

But before he could start to blame himself, his mind went blank as a terrible headache took over him. He let out a weak cry of pain just as his vision turned to black. The whole room seemed to be spinning around him, and clenching his hand on the bench in a desperate attempt to ground himself did nothing to help.

Maybe this was the price to pay for exhausting himself past his limits, for digging his way through too many extra times. But this felt worse than everything he had endured before, and he suddenly got scared. He tried to call for help, but his voice was too weak and his friends, too far away. However, just as he began to panic, everything went back to normal.

Luka blinked a few times, not expecting the light of the locker room to reappear so suddenly. Also, he wasn’t alone anymore. All his teamates surrounded him and Danijel was kneeling next to him, a worried look on his face.

“Luka? Are you alright?”

He moved his hand in front of Luka’s eyes, trying to get a reaction out of him.

“Yes, I just… dozed off for a minute. Don’t know what happened to me. It must be the aftermath of the game, that’s all.”

He brushed the sweat of his brow while trying to regain his composure. There was no need to worry his friends, he felt better now. He didn’t want to add to the general distress of the team. Still, Suba looked skeptical, but he didn’t push the matter any further.

“Alright. Just tell if you’re feeling weird again, okay?”

Luka nodded, thankful for his support. He was slowly coming back to his senses when Dejan and Sime entered the locker room arm in arm while singing loudly. Luka didn’t need to smell the stench of alcohol to know they were drunk beyond measure. Still, the happiness on their face felt off compared to his sorrow. They didn’t look like they just lost the world cup a couple hours ago.

As they spotted him, they grinned and walked toward him, although Šime almost lose his balance, barely saved from falling by Dejan holding him.

“Hey Suba, Lukita, that’s unfair! Come on, let us share the glory, too!”

Luka followed the direction of their stare, just as he realized that he was holding something quite heavy in his left hand. It didn’t feel right. A minute before, his hand was empty, and now…

His breath got caught in his throat. It wasn’t possible. There was no way this could be real. He remembered everything, the game against France, their loss, the disappointment on his team mates’ faces…

And yet, here in his palm, rested the wold cup trophy.

 

The score was still 4-2. Luka learned it soon after he handed the trophy to Šime so him and Dejan could pose with it and take pictures for their instagrams. Except now, it was 4-2 for Croatia. Somehow, France lost. Somehow, Luka was a world champion.

It didn’t make any sense.

He was trying not to freak out while all of his friends were busy partying around him. Putting a forced smile on his face was a difficult task, but it was the only way not to feel to out of place.

At first, he feared it was some cruel joke. He knew his friends were kind men and would never do anything to hurt him on purpose, but it was the only logical reasoning he could come up with. But his theory crumbled apart when Vida showed him the goals on his phone.

Luka’s goals.

He had no memory of scoring these goals- the two winning goals, for god’s sake- but here they were, replaying again and again on the screen. Luka recognized his own way of playing, he could picture himself striking the ball in this exact way, but he knew this never happened. Not that he dared say that aloud, too afraid to sound crazy to his friends.

Instead, he tried to share their joy. His jaw dropped when he took a glimpse of Dejan and Sime making out heavily against the wall, but it was soon replaced by a knowing smile.

“So those two finally got together? It took them long enough!” He grinned.

At that, Domo sent him an incredulous look.

“Wait, you didn’t know?”

“Didn’t know what?”

“They’ve been together for years, now. It’s not really a secret to anyone.”

Once more, Luka felt out of place, because he clearly remembered a pining Šime coming to him for love advice a few days ago, and he definitely wasn’t dating Dejan yet. This whole nonsense was really beginning to frighten him and so he quickly got up, cold sweat running down his neck.

In the euphoria of the victory, no one noticed him leaving towards the showers. There, he splashed water onto his face before leaning onto the sink, wondering if this was all a dream. He was so busy questioning his sanity that he didn’t hear someone getting out of a nearby stall.

He didn’t miss the ruffle of a towel, however, and he quickly turned around, hoping his team mates wouldn’t have noticed his weird behavior. However, his worries soon disappeared and a sense of relief took their place once he saw Ivan, his Ivan, standing a few feet away from him, wearing only a boxer, busy drying his hair.

Luka immediately rushed to him. He needed the reassurance of his arms, needed to talk about all this madness with someone who would listen without jumping to wrong conclusions. He couldn’t keep it all in, it would drive him mad. So he jumped to his boyfriend’s arms, planting a desperate kiss on his lips. He expected Ivan to detect his distress and to slowly stroke his back before asking him what was wrong, as he always did.

Ivan’s lips slowly parted against his, and his hand went to rest on the small of his back. This, Luka was used to. He was about to close his eyes, waiting for his boyfriend to take the lead of the kiss like he so often did.

Instead, Ivan suddenly froze against him and pushed him away. He was not violent or brutal about it, only firm, but it still broke Luka’s heart. Especially when Ivan looked down on him with an angry look on his face, leaving the smaller man all lost and confused.

“No, Luka, we’re not gonna do this, winners of the world cup or not. I thought I was clear enough last time we talked about it. There can never be anything between us. It would jeopardize our careers and you know it. Now go back to celebrate with the others. It’s for the better.”

“But…”

“No buts. I won’t be mad a you, because I know you surely drunk too much and are out of your mind right now, but we already had this conversation a thousand times. We can’t do this.”

Now, Luka couldn’t lie to himself anymore and pretend everything was alright. This wasn’t his life. He never won the world cup, just like Ivan never rejected him. Those were facts, engraved in his memory.

“That’s not possible! You love me, you told me so!”

This time, Ivan’s eyes were full of pity. He put a hand on Luka’s shoulder, but it wasn’t the reassuring touch the smaller man was used to.

“That’s it, you definitely had too much drinks. I never said such things, except maybe in your dreams. You should really stop hurting yourself like this, Luka. Just wait for me here, I’ll get dressed and then I’ll help you get to the bus, okay?”

Luka couldn’t find the strength in him to answer, not when his throat felt painfully dry. Ivan was wrong, he had never been more sober in his life. The rejection hurt like a knife in his chest, making him even more aware of his surroundings. As he waited alone, he realized two things:

This man was not his Ivan, and he was a stranger here.  
He pinched his arm as hard as he could, hoping this would prove to be just a dream, or rather, a nightmare. Luka was a rational man, but he could feel something unnatural was happening to him, and now he just had to find a way to go back to his real life.

Unfortunately, all his efforts proved useless, and he was quickly overwhelmed with the urge to sob.

 

Somehow, Luka managed not to shed any tears. He didn’t really remember how he got into the bus and from there, to his hotel room. In his head, it was all a blur. He remembered his team mates sending him worried looks, though, when they weren’t too busy celebrating their victory, the victory Luka didn’t remember.

During all the world cup tournament, he had shared his room with Ivan, or at least, that was what his memory told him. Not in this reality, though. Here, Ivan seemed intent on keeping his distance, so Luka soon discovered that he was in fact rooming with Suba.

It could have been worse, of course. He didn’t mind spending time with his long time friend, but he still felt out of place weeping when everyone around him was busy celebrating. Of course, when the goalkeeper offered him to go downstairs to party some more with the rest of the team, Luka refused stubbornly.

Danijel frowned, definitely concerned about his well being.

“Luka, what’s wrong? We just won the world cup, so why are you so sad?”

Luka bit his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood. What could he say? That he had no memory of scoring the two winning goals? That they lost the world cup? That this team was different from the team he remembered? He would sound crazy, and his friend would certainly blame it on the alcohol, just like Ivan. So he just let out the first thing that went through his mind and that was safe enough to say.

“I kissed Ivan, and…”

His voice broke and he looked down at the ground to hide the tears growing in his eyes.

“Oh, Luka, again?”

Suba’s voice was full of concern and he pulled Luka into a tight hug. The smaller man closed his eyes, happy to finally find some comfort here. It was good to know that no matter how crazy things could get, Danijel would always stay his best friend.

“I know it’s not that easy, but maybe you should just give up on Ivan. I hate seeing you like this every time he rejects you. Maybe you two are just not meant to be…”

Suba always wanted to help him, Luka knew that, but he shook his head and took a step back, as if he had been burnt. What happened to the Luka who won the world cup didn’t matter. What mattered was the nights he remembered spending in Ivan’s arms, the sweet nothings he whispered into his ear, Ivan telling the team they had to win the game against Denmark for him…

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you, Luka.”

Luka suddenly came back to reality and he stared at Danijel like a deer caught in the headlights as he started panicking.

“It’s nothing, I just… I need to get out… To get some fresh air…”

Before his friend could react, Luka sprinted out of the room. He almost knocked over a member of the hotel staff on his way and mumbled a quick “sorry” before running towards the entryway. Once he got outside, he took a second to take his breath. He had no idea what to do now. It was dark and cold outside, but he couldn’t see himself going back to his room. Maybe a walk would do him some good.

He could barely take a step before everything started spinning around him once more and he felt like falling. A painful headache forced him to close his eyes as the scenery around him started to disappear. Once more, he felt as is he was falling into oblivion.

 

When Luka regained consciousness, he wasn’t outside anymore, but in his hotel room. His real hotel room. The one he shared with Ivan.

And Ivan was here too, sitting on their bed, holding a smaller man in his arms. For a second, anger filled Luka’s mind. What was it, now? An alternate reality were he was forced to see Ivan loving someone else?

He was ready to storm out of the room when he got a glimpse of the stranger face, only to realize he was no stranger at all.

It was like looking straight into a mirror. The man looked like Luka’s perfect twin, no matter how unbelievable this all was. However, before Luka could freak out, Ivan noticed him and immediately let go of his alter ego. A huge smile appeared on his lover’s face and he rushed to hug him.

“Luka, you’re back! I was so, so scared!”

Luka had a thousand questions on his lips, but they all disappeared when Ivan kissed them with passion. He let himself sink into the familiar feeling, his hands gripping at the back of his boyfriend’s shirt. When they parted, Ivan gave him his most gentle smile before ruffling his hair with tenderness.

“You must be so confused, dragi. Don’t worry, you’re alright now. Also, I know what happened to you.”

“You do?” Luka stammered, puzzled.

“Yeah. From what Luka number two here told me, you must have exchanged place with him in his reality. I know, it sounds crazy, but it’s the only explanation I have.”

“Wait, Luka number t…”

He suddenly fell silence as realization dawned on him. Then he stared at his double. The other Luka looked shy and too scared to approach them. With a shaking voice, Luka asked him:

“Wait… Are you the one who scored two goals against France?”

The other nodded, and Luka sighed with relief. So he wasn’t losing his mind, this was real. Crazy, but real.

“Yes. I was celebrating with the team and one second later I was here, with everyone mourning our loss. Then I bumped into Ivan and he helped me figure this all out.” He hesitated for a second, then he let out: “Do you even realize how lucky you are?”

For a second, Luka almost replied that he he wasn’t the one who had won the world cup, but he understood quickly enough that he wasn’t talking about that, from the way he was staring at him and Ivan, a glimpse of envy in his eyes.

“I do. I’ve met your Ivan. It wasn’t very pleasant. Why does he…”

“What? Doesn’t want me? I don’t know, I guess I’m just not good enough for him. He always said he wanted us to say apart because of our professional careers, that there was too much at stake… But now that I’ve seen you two together… There must be something else than that. Maybe I did something wrong…”

It was weird, looking at himself being so insecure. Ivan wrapped an arm around Luka’s waist, before whispering in his hear:

“It’s been harsh for him, learning that we are dating. From what I understood, he’s been pining for that other me for years.”

Luka shared a silent look with Ivan and they sat down on the bed, on each side of Luka’s alter ego. Ivan put a reassuring arm around his shoulders while Luka took his hand in his.

“Don’t say that. You’re great, you did what I couldn’t by offering our country its first wold cup victory. You shouldn’t think so low of yourself.”

“Luka’s right. I don’t know what my other self is thinking, but he truly is a fool for not wanting you. You deserve all the love in the world, I’m sure.”

Ivan leaned down and gently kissed his forehead. Someone else than Luka might have been jealous, but he knew there was no reason to be. To him, this just proved that Ivan was ready to love every version of himself.

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course, dragi. You should be proud of yourself.” Luka replied.

They were ready to shower him in compliments all night long if needed, but before they could do so, the other Luka let out a cry of pain and his hold on Luka’s hand grew tighter.

“Are you alright?” Ivan almost shouted, worry in his eyes.

“It happened to me, too. I think he is going back to his own world, if that makes any sense.” Luka intervened.

“Oh, I see.”

Ivan still looked concerned, but he quickly reached for a piece of paper laying on the bedside table. He put it in the hands of Luka number two, before staring straight at him, a serious expression on his face.

“Here listen to me. Take this with you, but don’t open it and don’t read it. Just leave it somewhere your Ivan will find it, but don’t get caught doing it. I hope this will make things better for you.”

“But, how…?”

“Just trust me, okay?”

Before he could answer, a blinding light surrounded Luka’s alter ego. He disappeared in a flash under Luka and Ivan’s eyes, leaving the two lovers alone. They stayed silent for a while, still not really believing what they just went through. Then Ivan broke the ice.

“Do you think he’ll do it?”

Luka let out a quiet laugh as he moved closer so his head would rest against Ivan’s shoulder. It was good to be home.

“Of course he will. I can’t refuse you anything when you’re looking at me like that, and I’m sure he’ll be no different.”

“I hope you’re right. He looked so sad… The me from that other reality must be such an idiot!”

“Or maybe he’s just afraid.” Luka pondered, remembering his quick stay there. “His words were harsh, yes, but he still seemed to care. He made sure I got to the hotel safely. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover he’s only fighting against his feelings. It’s not easy, admitting you’re in love with your team mate and captain.”

“I guess we’ll never know. I have no idea how this whole mess happened, but I never want to be separated from you like that ever again. You have no idea how scared I was. I feared you’d never be able to come back to me…”

“It’s okay, Ivan, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.” Luka replied, nuzzling against his neck as Ivan wrapped strong arms around him.

The pain of losing against France wasn’t gone, of course, but after his crazy adventure, he realized how lucky he was to have Ivan at his side to support him no matter what. This strange had really taken its toll on him, and he let out a huge yawn, exhausted.

“Looks like someone’s tired. You deserve some well deserved rest after everything you went through, Lukita. How about we get into bed and just, you know, cuddle and eat domaćica until you fall asleep?”

Luka smiled brightly and left a kiss on Ivan’s jaw.

“That sounds like a great idea.”

 

When the dizziness left Luka’s mind, he didn’t expect to find himself alone, in the middle of the night. He quickly shoved the paper Ivan gave him into his pocket while trying to stay calm. At least, he was back to a world he knew, where he won the world cup and his team mates didn’t look disappointed. Of course, he had missed the first celebrations, but it could still be fixed.

Oh, who was he kidding? Despite his victory, he couldn’t help but feel jealous of the other Luka, of the Luka who was loved by Ivan. But now was not the time for sadness. He needed to go back to the hotel, and act as if everything was alright.

“Luka!”

He turned around quickly, only to be faced with Ivan. Not the Ivan who reassured him a few minutes ago, but the Ivan from his world, the Ivan Rakitić who didn’t love Luka Modrić.

“Suba told me you were acting weird and ran outside. Are you alright? Everyone’s worried about you.”

“Yes, everything’s fine, don’t worry.” Luka replied, although he couldn’t ignore the ache in his chest.

“You sure?”

“We just won the world cup. What could possibly be wrong?” Luka replied.

He just hoped Ivan wouldn’t notice the bitterness in his voice.

 

After those strange events, everything went back to normal. Luka almost convinced himself it was nothing but a dream or some kind of hallucination provoked by how tired he was after winning the final.

Except the letter he was supposed to give to Ivan said otherwise.

He quietly slipped it under the door of his friend’s hotel room, all the while afraid someone would see him. He had no idea if this was the right thing to do or not, but he trusted Ivan, had always trusted him, not matter the reality he came from.

Once it was done, he tried to forget all about it. He still had to gather his stuff for the trip back to Croatia. At least it would make a good distraction.

 

When he woke up, Ivan didn’t notice the letter at first. He was still drowsy and high on the feel of victory, so he almost stepped on the single piece of paper, stopping himself at the very last moment. It was folded in two, and Ivan didn’t think much of it until he read the four words written on it.

“For the other Ivan.”

His fingers shook as he stared at the letter, not because of what was written on it, but because of the handwriting. Ivan could recognize it anywhere, because it was his own. Also, it was too perfect to be fake. Every curve, every letter looked similar to how he would shape them.

Did he write this to himself last night while he was drunk? No, he remembered everything about the last day, from the game against France to the moment he had lead Luka back to his room. There had to be some other explanation… Maybe the key to the mystery was hidden in the letter itself, so he opened it hastily and started reading.

“Where do I begin? Ah, yes. First of all, you’re an idiot.

Now that this has been said, you must wonder who I am. Well, I’m you. Sort of. From another universe, it seems. Yes, I know, none of this makes any sense, but that’s how it is.

Also, you must have noticed something was wrong about Luka right after the game against France. If you didn’t, then there’s no hope for you and this letter is certainly useless. But since we’re supposed to be the same person, I’ll just assume that you realized that something was very, very off with your Luka, simply because he switched places with mine. (again, complicated alternate universe story, don’t ask.)

So your Luka ended up with me, and my Luka with you. So let me put this simply: what the hell have you been doing pushing Luka away? I mean, if you’re really me, then I can’t imagine any fucking scenario in which you wouldn’t be madly in love with him.

He told me how you’re frightened about the impact a relationship with him could have on your careers. Just like I was at the beginning, to be honest. But let me tell you one thing: being with Luka is worth all the risks you could take. I’ve been dating him for several years now, and I’ve never regretted my choice, not even once.

So if I’m right, if you want him, then stop being a complete moron and go tell him before he stops waiting for you. I don’t even know how you can live with yourself while knowing you’re making him sad. I know it would kill me. Now, you’d better hurry and act on your feelings to fix that mistake.

Ivan Rakitić (in case it wasn’t obvious)”

The letter fell from Ivan’s shaking hand. This looked like one big joke, and yet… And yet he couldn’t deny there was some truth in those words. He closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure and to decide what he was going to do with this.

 

Luka stared at the mirror, hoping to find in here the confidence of his other self, but all he saw were the bags under his eyes. A long plane trip awaited him and the rest of the team today, then the celebration in Zagreb would follow. If only the joy in his heart wasn’t tainted by his desperate wish to feel Ivan’s arms around him once more…

His hair was still messy from the night, and he was trying to tame it when a knock on the door made him jump out in surprise. He quickly went to open the door and his heart missed a beat when he was faced with Ivan. His friend was out of breath, as if he had run through another extra time.

“Good morning, Ivan. What do you w…?”

“Is this real? Did you really disappear in a parallel universe after the final? Or am I just going crazy?”

He waved the letter in front of Ivan and his team mate’s eyes grew wide. So he knew. Denying it all would have been easier, but Luka had always been too honest for his own good.

“Yes, it’s real. I have no idea what’s written on this, though, the… The other you just asked me to give it to you, one way or another. I hope you’re not mad.”

Luka expected Ivan to ask for further explanations. Instead, his friend cupped his face in his hand and kissed him right on the mouth, not hesitating a single second. It didn’t take long for Luka to melt against him as their tongue met in a gentle dance. He buried his fingers in Ivan’s hair, not wanting to let him go. He only broke the kiss reluctantly once he was gasping for air.

“I could have lost you…” Ivan murmured “You could have disappeared before I confessed my feelings for you, just because I’m a coward. Sorry for being such an idiot all this time. Forget everything I said before, I’m sure we can make this work with our career. I need this, Luka. I need you. So if you would still have me…”

Luka’s honey eyes lightened up as he got close enough for Ivan and him to touch foreheads.

“Of course, I’ll still have you. I’ve wanted this since forever. I can’t believe this is happening…”

Luka couldn’t help it, he let his tears fall free and Ivan gently kissed them away.

“This is real too, Luka, I promise. I’ve stopped being a fool. I’ll be here for you, no matter what. I love you. I love you so much.”

After hearing those three simple, beautiful words, Luka started peppering Ivan’s mouth with little kisses. His new boyfriend embraced him back, the letter in his hand almost forgotten.

Still, he had one last thought for his and Luka’s other selves. Ivan silently thanked them and wished them the best, before redirecting all his attention to the task of pleasing his Luka.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you a lot for reading, I hope you enjoyed the fic ! Don't hesitate to leave comments and kudos :)
> 
> Also, you can find me here on tumblr if you want to talk about Croatia NT : footballcursed


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